Tag Archives: Presence

I’m Sad When I’m Not With My Fiance…What Do I Do?

Dear JoyDiva,
   I have been with my fiance for 5 years now and I love him. The problem is that lately I haven’t been able to see him as much and it makes me sad. He recently started his own company and is trying to make it work, as well as, he is trying to balance school. I know that is a lot to handle but I don’t know why I have been recently getting very upset. I feel really sad when I don’t see him like lonely and depressed and I have doubts about his love. I feel like he will stop loving me and I will be left alone with my heart crushed.
   It has not always been this way, it started recently. I feel really sad like I am empty inside and when I see him I forget about it until he is ready to leave home and again the sadness starts. I wish I could be anywhere but home (I live with my parents). My sister just got married and my parents get along very well with her new husband. I feel left out like my fiance is not that good in their eyes. It makes me feel so sad inside. I don’t know what to do or how I should feel around. He has shown me that he loves me time after time and I know I truly love him and want him in my future. I don’t understand why I feel like this. Please help.

Sincerely,
LetiShining

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Hi Love,

My response is simple: It’s time to focus on yourself and your own life.

Right now, your world is very built up around him and your relationship, and now that he is invested in his company and school (Yay for him!), you are experiencing a shift in how much presence and attention he has for you. It’s time for you to discover what lights you up in your own world and pour your presence and attention there. What lights you up, Sister? What are you passionate about? What kinds of self-care practices make you feel really yummy and loved up?

You crave attention because you have been so focused on your relationship with him as the source of your happiness that you have become absent from yourself. Those of us with a feminine core thrive on presence and attention and we commonly make the mistake of thinking that this needs to come from our partner. As long as you think that you need this from him, all you will see is what he isn’t giving you and thus begins the shaming, blaming and feelings of emptiness. He will feel frustrated and unappreciated and you will continue to crave what he cannot give.

This lovely man in your life is pursuing what matters to him! YES! Now it’s your turn. I promise that when you focus on you, and pursue yourself with the level of devotion you’ve focused on this relationship, you will create the space to see him for the loving man that he is again. Right now, you are just far too attached and stuck in story about the relationship to see him OR you for who you really are. When you choose to focus your attention on pursuing what lights you up, you create room for the relationship to breathe, and then your fiance gets to show up as he is and you will be able to appreciate him as the gift that he is without needing anything from him. When you create a life that you love, the relationship gets to be the icing on the cake rather than the whole cake.

Your homeplay: Make a list of activities that nurture you and excite you. Make a list of the things that you really want to do that scare you a little bit (or a lot). When you start getting wrapped up in thoughts about your fiance and the relationship, stop. Breathe. Think to yourself, “I am so frickin’ beautiful and lovable!” and then pick something from these lists and get into action. I want you to practice ridiculous amounts of self-care and start moving toward your own kickass goals.

It’s time to focus on everything else in your life that is juicy and give your relationship a rest, and I promise you’ll be back to appreciating both yourself and that sweet man in your life like you just met last week.

If you are struggling to connect with what lights you up and would like more clarity on your soul purpose and where to focus your time and attention, I would love to meet with you. I’ll give you a Soul Purpose Astrology session that will have you aligned, on fire, and clear on the actions to be taking to create a life that you love.  Send me an email and I’m happy to set up a free connection call to talk with you about what that could look like.

With all my love,

:)Melissa AKA The JoyDiva