Tag Archives: Pursuing Self

Criticizing My Boyfriend and Feeling Confused…What Should I Do?

Hi JoyDiva,

My new boyfriend is so kind and sweet but I feel myself picking on him constantly and criticizing him constantly. I don’t like who I become. I have so much fear that it will end sometimes and then other times I fear that I will end up with him and he is the wrong man who will bore me and disappoint me. He is so devoted, tall, fairly handsome, successful, sensual, laid back, open minded.  I feel very confused.

Open Hearted in Canada

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Dear Open Hearted in Canada,

My advice to you is not going to be much different than what I offer the other lovely souls who have reached out to me through the years: It’s time to put your focus on that which excites you outside of your relationship.

Boredom, disappointment, anxiety, judgement, criticism—all of that can find a happy home within us when we are looking outside of ourselves to generate our happiness and feeling disconnected from our own purpose. What do YOU want to do with your life? How do YOU want to spend your time? What lights YOU up/fulfills you/gives you a sense of accomplishment? What is the gift that you want to offer to those around you?

No man can make you bored or disappointed, nor enlivened and fulfilled. If you’re worried about being bored and disappointed, it’s time to take a look at all of the actions you are avoiding taking on your own path. It can be all too easy to distract ourselves by over-focusing on our romantic relationships rather than facing what there is to face within ourselves and our own lives.

When we take the risk to pursue all that we love, we are pursued by all that we love. When you dive into your own self-care, when you cultivate personal goals and move toward them, when you take care of yourself body, mind and spirit and align with causes/activities that matter to you, you become irresistibly radiant with a joy you are generating from within, and opportunities, love resources, etc. flow to you with ease. When we are happy within our own skin and with the lives we are creating, our relationships become clear, and we don’t have energy to waste on nit-picking or over-analysis—about ourselves OR others.

Pursue that which nourishes you and makes you come alive and you will KNOW the place this relationship is meant to have in your life—and chances are good that you’ll either simply find yourself appreciating him a whole lot more or knowing with clarity that he’s not a right match. Either way, the solution you seek lies in pursuing YOURSELF and your own life, rather than focusing on your relationship for your answers.

Struggling to connect with what lights you up…or feeling stopped in taking action? I’m in your corner—don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a one-on-one Soul-Purpose Astrology Session. I would be honored to support you in bringing the focus lovingly back to you and that which will create fulfillment for you.

All my love!

:)Melissa A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2014 Melissa Simonson

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How Can I Rediscover the Fun, Happy, Optimistic Me?

Dear JoyDiva,

I am a young woman of 20 and I want to find out why I can’t accept myself although i am average height and weight. I feel ashamed when I’m naked because I am not your typical playboy model. I have differences that even though my boyfriend tells me over and over again that I am normal or I have read that I am, I still don’t feel this way. It scares me into thinking I can’t explore outside of this little life. I can’t feel free. I have also hurt my boyfriend twice because I am so insecure. I want to be able to be free and be me without feeling I am obligated to stay with my boyfriend or that I have to take up anyone who gives me attention or anyone that is sweet to me. How can I rediscover the fun, happy, optimistic me? Before I would do nothing but draw in my spare time, and I even went to college but shortly gave it up because I felt as if my boyfriend couldn’t handle it and I was afraid he would leave me and even though I love him, I was afraid I’d end up alone. We fought all the time about the past things I did. Help.

Feeling Guilty

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Dearest Feeling Guilty,

I’m sorry to hear how “little” that you are feeling in your life, right now, and I commend you for reaching out in honor of the freedom that you are longing for and deserve to feel.

What I love about this question is that you are already halfway to answering it for yourself. 🙂 You know what’s going on here. You know that you are abandoning yourself by your current choices. You see the fear. You also see how your choices to follow the fear rather then taking the actions that make you feel free and expanded are dimming your light and clipping your wings.

You will feel fun, happy & optimistic when you start pursuing yourself again. Your choice to draw, go to college, or do anything you damn well please has nothing to do with your boyfriend, and if he’s being bothered by your pursuing that which brings you alive, then he’s the one responsible for the misery he creates for himself. A healthy relationship consists of two individuals pursuing themselves, and celebrating & supporting each other in their individual wholeness. You’re not responsible for his happiness, nor is he responsible for yours.

You will feel sexy when you start choosing & claiming your own life again & expressing your unique individuality. This isn’t about your body. This is about you cherishing yourself through your time and attention. This is about you speaking up for what you want and what you don’t want. This is about you owning that you CAN have freedom and joy when you choose it for yourself. All of your focus on trying to keep your relationship has had you in a constant state of self-abandonment. You will rediscover all that is magical within you when you start risking this current false illusion of comfort in your relationship for the sake of what you really want. If he can’t walk beside you as you transform, if the relationship ends because he can’t handle your pursuing your life, then THANK GOD! Anyone or anything that does not support you in coming alive is way, way, way too small for you. You weren’t born to be in relationship with this guy. You were born to gift the world with your aliveness. What a waste of a beautiful precious life if you squander it for fear of being alone! (When you choose to love yourself you will discover that you are never alone. You are always supported. You are always loved.)

Make a list of all of the activities/choices/ways of spending your time that make you feel free and by gosh, start doing those things! Imagine a time in your life when you were really happy. What were you doing & experiencing? What was it about that experience that contributed so much to your joy? How can you start bringing those qualities into your life TODAY?

It’s time to take action & choose yourself, Beautiful.

Here are some nurturing resources for you:

Visit my website & grab your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit—a WONDERFUL gift to yourself (It includes a free report of “85 Ways to Feel Happy, Confident & Free…No Matter What”, along with 3 other goodies for your expansion.)

Christine Arylo’s Books: Choosing Me Before We & Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend

You are an extraordinary woman who was born to do extraordinary things…always know that.

Much Love,

:)Melissa A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2013 Melissa Simonson