Tag Archives: Achieving Dreams

Criticizing My Boyfriend and Feeling Confused…What Should I Do?

Hi JoyDiva,

My new boyfriend is so kind and sweet but I feel myself picking on him constantly and criticizing him constantly. I don’t like who I become. I have so much fear that it will end sometimes and then other times I fear that I will end up with him and he is the wrong man who will bore me and disappoint me. He is so devoted, tall, fairly handsome, successful, sensual, laid back, open minded.  I feel very confused.

Open Hearted in Canada

———————————————————————————————

Dear Open Hearted in Canada,

My advice to you is not going to be much different than what I offer the other lovely souls who have reached out to me through the years: It’s time to put your focus on that which excites you outside of your relationship.

Boredom, disappointment, anxiety, judgement, criticism—all of that can find a happy home within us when we are looking outside of ourselves to generate our happiness and feeling disconnected from our own purpose. What do YOU want to do with your life? How do YOU want to spend your time? What lights YOU up/fulfills you/gives you a sense of accomplishment? What is the gift that you want to offer to those around you?

No man can make you bored or disappointed, nor enlivened and fulfilled. If you’re worried about being bored and disappointed, it’s time to take a look at all of the actions you are avoiding taking on your own path. It can be all too easy to distract ourselves by over-focusing on our romantic relationships rather than facing what there is to face within ourselves and our own lives.

When we take the risk to pursue all that we love, we are pursued by all that we love. When you dive into your own self-care, when you cultivate personal goals and move toward them, when you take care of yourself body, mind and spirit and align with causes/activities that matter to you, you become irresistibly radiant with a joy you are generating from within, and opportunities, love resources, etc. flow to you with ease. When we are happy within our own skin and with the lives we are creating, our relationships become clear, and we don’t have energy to waste on nit-picking or over-analysis—about ourselves OR others.

Pursue that which nourishes you and makes you come alive and you will KNOW the place this relationship is meant to have in your life—and chances are good that you’ll either simply find yourself appreciating him a whole lot more or knowing with clarity that he’s not a right match. Either way, the solution you seek lies in pursuing YOURSELF and your own life, rather than focusing on your relationship for your answers.

Struggling to connect with what lights you up…or feeling stopped in taking action? I’m in your corner—don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a one-on-one Soul-Purpose Astrology Session. I would be honored to support you in bringing the focus lovingly back to you and that which will create fulfillment for you.

All my love!

:)Melissa A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Advertisements

How Can I Rediscover the Fun, Happy, Optimistic Me?

Dear JoyDiva,

I am a young woman of 20 and I want to find out why I can’t accept myself although i am average height and weight. I feel ashamed when I’m naked because I am not your typical playboy model. I have differences that even though my boyfriend tells me over and over again that I am normal or I have read that I am, I still don’t feel this way. It scares me into thinking I can’t explore outside of this little life. I can’t feel free. I have also hurt my boyfriend twice because I am so insecure. I want to be able to be free and be me without feeling I am obligated to stay with my boyfriend or that I have to take up anyone who gives me attention or anyone that is sweet to me. How can I rediscover the fun, happy, optimistic me? Before I would do nothing but draw in my spare time, and I even went to college but shortly gave it up because I felt as if my boyfriend couldn’t handle it and I was afraid he would leave me and even though I love him, I was afraid I’d end up alone. We fought all the time about the past things I did. Help.

Feeling Guilty

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Dearest Feeling Guilty,

I’m sorry to hear how “little” that you are feeling in your life, right now, and I commend you for reaching out in honor of the freedom that you are longing for and deserve to feel.

What I love about this question is that you are already halfway to answering it for yourself. 🙂 You know what’s going on here. You know that you are abandoning yourself by your current choices. You see the fear. You also see how your choices to follow the fear rather then taking the actions that make you feel free and expanded are dimming your light and clipping your wings.

You will feel fun, happy & optimistic when you start pursuing yourself again. Your choice to draw, go to college, or do anything you damn well please has nothing to do with your boyfriend, and if he’s being bothered by your pursuing that which brings you alive, then he’s the one responsible for the misery he creates for himself. A healthy relationship consists of two individuals pursuing themselves, and celebrating & supporting each other in their individual wholeness. You’re not responsible for his happiness, nor is he responsible for yours.

You will feel sexy when you start choosing & claiming your own life again & expressing your unique individuality. This isn’t about your body. This is about you cherishing yourself through your time and attention. This is about you speaking up for what you want and what you don’t want. This is about you owning that you CAN have freedom and joy when you choose it for yourself. All of your focus on trying to keep your relationship has had you in a constant state of self-abandonment. You will rediscover all that is magical within you when you start risking this current false illusion of comfort in your relationship for the sake of what you really want. If he can’t walk beside you as you transform, if the relationship ends because he can’t handle your pursuing your life, then THANK GOD! Anyone or anything that does not support you in coming alive is way, way, way too small for you. You weren’t born to be in relationship with this guy. You were born to gift the world with your aliveness. What a waste of a beautiful precious life if you squander it for fear of being alone! (When you choose to love yourself you will discover that you are never alone. You are always supported. You are always loved.)

Make a list of all of the activities/choices/ways of spending your time that make you feel free and by gosh, start doing those things! Imagine a time in your life when you were really happy. What were you doing & experiencing? What was it about that experience that contributed so much to your joy? How can you start bringing those qualities into your life TODAY?

It’s time to take action & choose yourself, Beautiful.

Here are some nurturing resources for you:

Visit my website & grab your FREE Self-Love SuperStar Kit—a WONDERFUL gift to yourself (It includes a free report of “85 Ways to Feel Happy, Confident & Free…No Matter What”, along with 3 other goodies for your expansion.)

Christine Arylo’s Books: Choosing Me Before We & Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend

You are an extraordinary woman who was born to do extraordinary things…always know that.

Much Love,

:)Melissa A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2013 Melissa Simonson

What Is the Right Direction for My Career/Life?

Dear JoyDiva,

I am so scattered and unfocused, unsure of which direction my career should take and I am seeing many road blocks at this point (probably put there by me). Do you see a clearer direction that’s right for me?

Rhonda

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dearest Rhonda,

While I cannot tell you the “right” direction for you to take (especially without more info and an exploratory session), I can certainly glean some insight from what you’ve written that I believe will be helpful for you.

First of all, I want to honor your awareness and courage in admitting that you’ve probably been the one placing roadblocks before your path. I’m going to go a step further and say that you HAVE been the one placing roadblocks before you. Any “stuck” feelings that we ever have are created in our own minds. You’re choosing to believe thoughts that are untrue about your situation (whether that’s, “I don’t have enough money, enough time, enough information, etc), and attaching to those false, limiting beliefs is making you feel stuck, overwhelmed and frustrated. Your heart wants to move, to dive-in, and you first have to let yourself believe in the possibility of your dreams if you’re going to turn them into a reality.

One limiting belief that is clear to me from what you’ve written is the idea that there is a “right” direction for you to turn. I can feel your paralysis and fear in going down a path that is somehow “wrong” for you, and sister, let’s throw out these silly “right vs. wrong” concepts so that you can feel the sense of freedom and adventure that I know you’re longing for in your heart.

What is the “right” direction for you? The path of action. The messy path that isn’t clear and freaks you out and also happens to make your heart sing. Overwhelm comes when we go too far into a future that is out of our control. What steps lie right before you and are whispering for you to take them? I invite you to sit down with a pen and piece of paper and for 5 minutes start writing about all that you envision for your life. Let yourself get really excited. FEEL yourself living that life. Then, all it takes is one step to start putting it in motion—make that  first phone call, send that email,  etc. You are infinitely supported by our loving Universe—you simply cannot go wrong, dear heart. If you fall down temporarily, you’ll gain the insight that you need to move on. Simply wait for the “yes” within your heart to guide you and then take the first step. You don’t need to know the “right” path—you need to listen to what makes you feel free and then take the first step. (NOTE: If you are like me, your strengths may not lie in creating your own plan of action. I always hire a coach when I’m trying to create big new things in my life because I can get extremely overwhelmed and paralyzed when it comes to breaking my ideas down into small steps. JoyDiva was born thanks to some wonderful coaching. It’s ok and important to recognize what you can and cannot do on your own.)

You will never be clear on all of the pieces of the puzzle before taking action. The beauty of life is that as you step forth to actively create your life, the next pieces will be revealed to you exactly when you need them. It’s time to surrender and start actively painting your messy masterpiece (knowing that you are loved and supported by every process unfolding in your life). Doesn’t that sound like more fun than waiting around for the “right” direction to reveal itself? Keywords for you to breathe in right now: Playfulness, Freedom, Joy, Adventure. What is ONE way that you can infuse those experiences into your life RIGHT NOW?

I wish you all of the joy and excitement that you deserve in your life, Rhonda!  Here is another post that I wrote in response to my own question a few months ago that I think will serve you well: https://askthejoydiva.com/2012/02/07/what-if-i-make-the-wrong-decision/

Many Blessings to you,

🙂 Melissa, A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2012 Melissa Simonson

What if I Make the Wrong Decision?

This Q&A comes directly from me today. I found myself journaling this morning and coming up on some fear around a big decision. “What if I make the wrong choice?” said the voice in my head. In my five years of coaching clients one-on-one, this is one of the most common questions that rears its head as I witness my clients trying to make decisions for themselves. The mind says, “There is a right choice and a wrong choice, and you better not mess up.” Oh, the pressure! The truth is that when it comes to choosing along our life’s journey, we can’t actually make a wrong choice.

One of my favorite quotations that I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately is that of Yogi Berra: “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” In our search for joy and fulfillment, we can paralyze ourselves with thoughts of “right turn, wrong turn.” The irony is that it is our INACTION that ends up leaving us feeling stuck in a dreary ditch, not a “wrong turn.”

I want you to imagine for a moment that God/Universe/Spirit/Source is like a GPS system. You set the intention, the destination, and you are infinitely supported in getting there. What happens when you make a “wrong turn?” Your GPS system recalculates to help you arrive at your destination. So really, you didn’t take a wrong turn, you simply took the scenic route.

Just like a GPS system, the Universe is with us every step, supporting us along the way–our inner “yes’s” and “no’s” help us to know how on track that we are. If we choose something that ends up not feeling quite right, the Universe helps us recalculate until we find something that does. We are never truly off-path, just going through some twists and turns. We are loved by every process that unfolds and never abandoned. It is only when we stop and turn off the engine, or choose not to act when hitting that fork in the road, that we keep ourselves from our destination. AND rather than finding happiness at the END of the road, we discover that taking action itself creates a deep sense of fulfillment, no matter which way we turn.

One way to work through the fear so that you can take action is to dialogue with it. When I was journaling this morning, my dialogue looked something like this:

Fear: I’m afraid you are going to make the wrong choice.

Consciousness: Thank you so much for always looking out for me. Can you tell me more about what you mean by a “wrong choice?”

Fear: I’m afraid that you will be unhappy and that you will fail in what you set out to do.

Consciousness: I hear you. The thing is that in all of your protectiveness, I’m not actually feeling very happy. Is there a way that we can work together so that we can ensure my success?

Fear: It would make me feel better if you were clear about where you want to go and had a plan.

Consciousness: What a great idea! That makes me feel very grounded. I’m going to get really clear by breaking my goal down into tiny steps right now….

This process of dialoging with my fear gave me a wonderful insight into the ways that even my fear was trying to love me, and I followed up that dialogue with a great plan of action that left me feeling grounded and clear on how to achieve my goal.

In what ways have you found yourself paralyzed by your fear of making a “wrong choice?” I would love nothing more than to support you and celebrate you as we create a plan for you to step beyond your fear and take action on the things that matter most to you. Feel free to contact me and set up a free consult.

In the meantime, I invite you to celebrate each and every step that you take (especially the little ones)–they all count!

Much love,

:)Melissa A.K.A The JoyDiva

©2012 Melissa Simonson

The Law of Attraction, Journal Exercises, and Being a Good Mama…All in One! :)

Hi Melissa,

I have a question. Have you read a book The Secret? Also, I have a friend who went through 50 days exercise where one person was leading it and was giving different tasks to write about each day, through each of these exercises my friend learned more and more about herself and how to make dreams come true. Have you heard of such a thing? It is like you would give me something to imagine and describe a situation one day and I will need to explain how I felt about it and the next day you would build on this and give me another task to imagine and dream about. I am not sure if I am explaining this correctly. Please let me know if you didn’t get my point. In short, I would like to have some tools to learn how to dream so the dreams would come true. Of course, I would like to learn how to build self-confidence and eliminate self-doubt and how to just live and enjoy life. Also, I have 16 month old daughter where I would like to be a good influence for her and the last thing I want for her is to follow my steps of self doubt. I also strongly believe in astrology. Are you still doing in-home astrology parties? There are a lot of questions on my mind but hopefully this is a good start. This is great idea you came up with. I am hoping to learn a lot from talking with you this way.

Olya

———————————————————————————————————
Hi Olya,

Thank you for your questions.

Yes, I am very familiar with The Secret–there was also a movie that came out in 2006 that is great inspiration for manifesting what you want in your life. (http://thesecret.tv/thesecretfilm/) The Law of Attraction is a corner stone of my work with clients. While The Secret is a wonderful doorway to understanding the ways that the Law of Attraction works, I find that it can lead some people astray at times. The Law of Attraction is not meant to help people control outcomes in their lives and it is not just about “positive” thinking. It is meant to help us become magnets for goodness. The best way to become a magnet for goodness in your life is to surround yourself with people and circumstances that make you feel good–What kinds of activities, people and places make you feel alive, free, at peace with yourself, etc? (Remember also that sometimes even having a good cry is exactly what we need to come into joy). When you feel joy, peace, acceptance, love, you’re on track, and the more that you vibrate those good feelings, the more goodness you will draw to yourself. A great place to start calling in joy is in seeking out all that you appreciate about yourself and your life, right now, as it is.

Here are some good Law of Attraction Resources for you: Abraham Hicks is where much of the information in The Secret came from, and they have tons of resources for you to become a manifesting diva. 🙂 Their website is: http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php
I love getting these daily “Notes from the Universe” to keep me on track with my visualizing and to remind me of life’s goodness: http://www.tut.com/resources/notes/
A great Law of Attraction expert and all-around wonderful guy is Andy Dooley, who has all kinds of inspiring videos & info. that you can access here: http://andydooley.com/

Regarding your second question about the guided journaling exercise: It sounds like you are much like me and a lot of people in that it helps you to have some support and structure in your life to help you grow and expand. The exercise that you mentioned is much like what it is like to work with a Life Coach. It is my job to ask you powerful questions to help you tap into what is true for you and provide support and accountability while you take steps in alignment with your joy. You are welcome to contact me to schedule a consult where we can talk more fully about how I can serve you in those ways. In the meantime, my “Self-Love SuperStar Mini-Playbook” is a great journaling tool that you can use again and again to help you create fulfillment in your life much like you are describing. My former clients have said that they can hear my voice leading them through the exercises :)–it very closely matches an exercise I would take you through as your coach and gives you a great example of what it might be like to work with me. You can claim your free Self-Love SuperStar Kit Here and play and expand to your heart’s delight: http://www.joydiva.com.

Regarding your desire to eliminate self-doubt and be a powerful example for your daughter: Again, coaching would be AMAZING for you–eliminating self-doubt and building confidence takes focused time with a lot of tender love and care. With that said, please know that the fact that you wake up everyday longing to be good and do good in the world IS what makes you good. There is nothing that you have to do or be that could make you any more magnificent than you already are. Your daughter is blessed to have a mama who is conscious enough to want her to grow up in a loving and confidence-building environment. Keep reaching out. Keep learning to love yourself and grow as you are, and she will have a wonderful example to help her thrive. Be patient with yourself, dear heart. You are doing wonderful things!

Regarding Astrology Parties: Yes, I still do in-home Astrology Parties for up to 8 guests. Each reading is $1.50/minute with a 15 minute minimum/person.

Alright Lovely, it would appear that I’ve answered all of your questions. I wish you only the best.

Much Love,

Melissa, A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2012 Melissa Simonson