Tag Archives: Self-Love

The Law of Attraction, Journal Exercises, and Being a Good Mama…All in One! :)

Hi Melissa,

I have a question. Have you read a book The Secret? Also, I have a friend who went through 50 days exercise where one person was leading it and was giving different tasks to write about each day, through each of these exercises my friend learned more and more about herself and how to make dreams come true. Have you heard of such a thing? It is like you would give me something to imagine and describe a situation one day and I will need to explain how I felt about it and the next day you would build on this and give me another task to imagine and dream about. I am not sure if I am explaining this correctly. Please let me know if you didn’t get my point. In short, I would like to have some tools to learn how to dream so the dreams would come true. Of course, I would like to learn how to build self-confidence and eliminate self-doubt and how to just live and enjoy life. Also, I have 16 month old daughter where I would like to be a good influence for her and the last thing I want for her is to follow my steps of self doubt. I also strongly believe in astrology. Are you still doing in-home astrology parties? There are a lot of questions on my mind but hopefully this is a good start. This is great idea you came up with. I am hoping to learn a lot from talking with you this way.

Olya

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Hi Olya,

Thank you for your questions.

Yes, I am very familiar with The Secret–there was also a movie that came out in 2006 that is great inspiration for manifesting what you want in your life. (http://thesecret.tv/thesecretfilm/) The Law of Attraction is a corner stone of my work with clients. While The Secret is a wonderful doorway to understanding the ways that the Law of Attraction works, I find that it can lead some people astray at times. The Law of Attraction is not meant to help people control outcomes in their lives and it is not just about “positive” thinking. It is meant to help us become magnets for goodness. The best way to become a magnet for goodness in your life is to surround yourself with people and circumstances that make you feel good–What kinds of activities, people and places make you feel alive, free, at peace with yourself, etc? (Remember also that sometimes even having a good cry is exactly what we need to come into joy). When you feel joy, peace, acceptance, love, you’re on track, and the more that you vibrate those good feelings, the more goodness you will draw to yourself. A great place to start calling in joy is in seeking out all that you appreciate about yourself and your life, right now, as it is.

Here are some good Law of Attraction Resources for you: Abraham Hicks is where much of the information in The Secret came from, and they have tons of resources for you to become a manifesting diva. 🙂 Their website is: http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php
I love getting these daily “Notes from the Universe” to keep me on track with my visualizing and to remind me of life’s goodness: http://www.tut.com/resources/notes/
A great Law of Attraction expert and all-around wonderful guy is Andy Dooley, who has all kinds of inspiring videos & info. that you can access here: http://andydooley.com/

Regarding your second question about the guided journaling exercise: It sounds like you are much like me and a lot of people in that it helps you to have some support and structure in your life to help you grow and expand. The exercise that you mentioned is much like what it is like to work with a Life Coach. It is my job to ask you powerful questions to help you tap into what is true for you and provide support and accountability while you take steps in alignment with your joy. You are welcome to contact me to schedule a consult where we can talk more fully about how I can serve you in those ways. In the meantime, my “Self-Love SuperStar Mini-Playbook” is a great journaling tool that you can use again and again to help you create fulfillment in your life much like you are describing. My former clients have said that they can hear my voice leading them through the exercises :)–it very closely matches an exercise I would take you through as your coach and gives you a great example of what it might be like to work with me. You can claim your free Self-Love SuperStar Kit Here and play and expand to your heart’s delight: http://www.joydiva.com.

Regarding your desire to eliminate self-doubt and be a powerful example for your daughter: Again, coaching would be AMAZING for you–eliminating self-doubt and building confidence takes focused time with a lot of tender love and care. With that said, please know that the fact that you wake up everyday longing to be good and do good in the world IS what makes you good. There is nothing that you have to do or be that could make you any more magnificent than you already are. Your daughter is blessed to have a mama who is conscious enough to want her to grow up in a loving and confidence-building environment. Keep reaching out. Keep learning to love yourself and grow as you are, and she will have a wonderful example to help her thrive. Be patient with yourself, dear heart. You are doing wonderful things!

Regarding Astrology Parties: Yes, I still do in-home Astrology Parties for up to 8 guests. Each reading is $1.50/minute with a 15 minute minimum/person.

Alright Lovely, it would appear that I’ve answered all of your questions. I wish you only the best.

Much Love,

Melissa, A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2012 Melissa Simonson

I Cannot Seem to Achieve Lasting Relationships: What’s Wrong With Me?

Hi JoyDiva,

I feel like I am broken beyond repair. I ended a 3 1/2 year relationship well over three years ago due to his infidelity. I was married and that ended in divorce over his drug use. I have tried dating sites etc and always end up disillusioned by men or people in general. Help me. I am coming to the conclusion that it has to be me. I am going through a program through my job to talk to a therapist but truly feel that something is wrong within me and I do not know how to fix me. I am figuring out that I am alone for a reason/s but cannot figure out why.
I think men can take a look at me and see the huge BROKEN sign flashing over my head and run away as fast as they can. I feel I am a great catch. I work, can cook great meals, am sharp and intelligent. Not a barbie doll but unique in my own way. Help me. I need to figure it out so that I can breath and finally be at peace. Once I get there I might be able to see things and allow love or whatever to come back into my life. How can it be that I want something so badly and know I have so much to give but cannot seem to achieve lasting relationships.

I appreciate your help or guidance,

Love,
The Hermit

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Dearest Hermit,

First of all, I want to thank you for your heartfelt honesty–there will be many who thank you for reaching out and sharing in this way. I can feel the pain in your words, and I am so sorry to hear that you have been in such a place of suffering.

You have said, “I am coming to the conclusion that it has to be me.” In a certain respect, you are right about this, but NOT in the way that you think. There is nothing wrong with you. You do not need to be “fixed.” It is this belief that you are carrying, that you are somehow damaged goods beyond repair, that is causing you so much suffering within yourself and then in your relationships.

All relationships in our lives are mirrors for the relationship that we are having with ourselves–when all other people fall away, you are still left with the company of your thoughts and how you choose to respond to those thoughts. Do you like the way you are treating yourself? Do you like the company that you keep in the quiet moments? Every person who comes into your life and makes you feel unwanted, invalidated, ignored, unworthy of love, etc. is a mirror for how you have been treating yourself. If you are beating yourself up, telling yourself that you are broken, believing that you have to be something else in order to be worthy and that it is only love from another that will make you whole, you will continue to attract people who mirror this abuse you are handing to yourself. They do see a broken sign, but that’s because you are entering relationships believing that it is the other person’s job to fix you with his love. As long as you believe that you need a partner, that you need his love, that someone else will make you whole, you will end up disillusioned.

Life is giving you an opportunity to fall in love with YOURSELF. You are so much more than just a woman who can hold down a job and cook a good dinner. You are so much more than even sharp and intelligent. So. Much. More. AND, you are the source of your own love. No one else can give it to you. You have been believing so long that you need love and approval to come from other people–I can feel your deep longing to have someone say to you: “You are beautiful and I love you exactly the way that you are.” Give this gift to yourself. You are the only one who has been keeping yourself from that wonderful gift. In what ways is it true that you do NOT need love from another person? It what ways is it true that YOU need to love yourself?

If you want to date someone who makes you feel cherished and wanted and desired, you have to start cherishing yourself. The first step is to stop beating yourself up every time a relationship doesn’t work out–they fail because they aren’t right, not because there is something wrong with you. Thank goodness those relationships didn’t work because you deserve so much more! Every time you think that you could have or should have done things differently, you just hurt yourself. I will say it again and again. There is nothing wrong with you, and believing that there is f-in hurts, doesn’t it? Let’s start filling you up with some loving thoughts and activities. Your assignment:

1) Make a list of the ways that a partner could make you feel cherished. (for example, He would listen to me intently, tell me that he loves me, call me often, be honest with me and value my honesty, make me feel like I’m the most important person to him, snuggle and watch t.v., etc…whatever feels good to you, have fun with it.)

2) Take that list of activities that make you feel cherished and turn them around. (For example, if listening to you is on your list, in what ways can you listen to yourself more? In what ways can you be more honest with yourself? In what ways can you treat yourself as though YOU are the most important person to you?) It’s time to start “courting” yourself and treating yourself like the goddess you know that you are deep down.

3) Make a list…a looooooonnnnng list, about all that makes you Miss Fabulous. (for example, quirky, funny, genuine, sensual, loyal, compassionate, etc.) Time yourself to do this for at least five minutes and have fun with how yummy it feels to give yourself this well-deserved acknowledgment.

4) Last and far from least, I want to recommend a very important teacher for you who has a series of books and audio that will change your life if you let it. I want you to watch this video of her working with a woman who also believes there is “something wrong with her” and see what comes up for you as you do. (It made me tear up at times watching her remember her love for herself.)

I highly recommend this book or audiobook for you: I Need Your Love – Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

Book format
Audiobook format

Working with your thoughts and falling in love with yourself is going to take time, Dear One. I am glad that you are exploring therapy, and I want you to know that I would be honored to work with you as well–I can walk you through some powerful exercises like what you witnessed in the video to get you seeing what is REALLY true and how lovable that you really are, and then lovingly hold you accountable as you take this positive action in your life. You are not a lost cause–you’ve just been believing some painful, untrue things about yourself for a long time.

Much Love,

:)Melissa A.K.A. The JoyDiva

©2012 Melissa Simonson